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"Ever since my father died, I've been terrified to get too close to anyone..." The e-mail was long and apologetic, full of searing self-criticism and shamefaced confessions.The mere sound of Jamie's voice made my heart thump wildly. He said he'd like nothing more than to meet me but admitted he still felt scared. "You might not be attracted to me."In hindsight, I should have cut and run right then. I'm not looking for a relationship; I was just trying to have some e-mail fun.""E-mail fun? But his e-mail felt emotionally honest, and despite his obvious issues, I liked him. Within weeks, we were talking every day; that quickly developed into an obsessive six to eight hours a day. This guy had already managed to hurt me, in the space of just two weeks. We spoke for hours about everything, from our damaged childhoods to jobs to exes to first kisses.Sure, it can be a little intimidating to approach a dude, but it puts you in control of your dating destiny, and besides — guys really like it."Men find it refreshing when a female asks them out," Says Rhonda Findling, psychotherapist and author of The Dating Cure.

As a man myself, I'm here to let you in on the telltale actions men tend to do when we like a gal.Got tickets to a concert he's dying to see or game he wants to check out? That way, if he can't make it, you can still have a great time with a friend.If you can't quite bring yourself to suggest solo time together, try inviting him out with a bunch of your friends which will make you feel more at ease. After flirting for a bit say something like, "Have you heard about this new movie?But I wanted badly to connect with someone, and the truth is, I shared some of his fears.The most common sex issue faced by otherwise happily married couples? Couples often end up bemused and confused by a marriage that's dimmed in sexual intensity or frequency. "It's when we're at our most vulnerable." Plus, your bedroom, and certainly your bed, should be a sanctuary, not a place to air grievances. There is something to be said for spontaneity, but this may not be the time for it.

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